Monday, December 14, 2015

YES! Feeling unwell

It’s been a tricky few weeks so much has happened and yet what has impacted the most has been a uneasy stomach. I have damaged my digestion system due to bacterial effect on the inner walls of stomach and duodenum this has resulted in indigestion, burping, bloating and uneasiness in eyes in short I was totally collapsed due to these symptoms and lost 15-20 kg of my weight in just 2 months. However I was suffering from this ailment since long.    In fact when it first started it felt far worse than any labor pains I had endured. My uneasy stomach  has meant I’ve had to rest and that’s not been so easy for me or my alters,  the other parts of me.

Suddenly our planned trips to some hilly, days out to recharge my batteries and catch the last summer sun disappeared. I couldn’t get off the sofa without great distress and so I seemed to just exist, I managed by sheer luck and determination to make therapy but sitting is so painful that it’s not been easy. However as time passes by  I am starting to deal better with the uneasiness of stomach, I’ve managed to get myself into a safe routine that means parts of me still get time just its different to what we are used to. I had to spend a lot of time trying to work all the time and understand how to do things for the different parts of me whilst feeling unwell and laid flat on my sofa.

So reading has become  a lifeline, along with the TV and even some crocheting and knitting, it’s been more about internal dialogue explaining why we can’t  do things we would normally have done. Some parts of me are having to except that right now I can’t do the things I would like. 

Yet life is sometimes about dealing with the unexpected, trying to keep moving forwards whilst challenged in new ways. I guess right now I’m challenged by uneasyness  and the fact I can’t move as well as I used to, but time is a healer and I will heal. My family have been really supportive and members of our NGO have been very understanding when I cancel   planned events.

I guess feeling unwell has been a learning curve too and it’s also given time to think, time to re juggle priorities and balance my diary better. Suddenly faced with being unable to move meant I had to wipe my diary clear and start again, that’s not been all bad if I’m honest.

Now I’m managing my uneasiness  better and I can potter about the house carefully as long as I rest quite often. Whilst my diary is still quiet I have managed a few things. I made it to Mandir this evening and whilst I felt unwell throughout and in uncomfortable position it felt good to be out and to be there.

I’m learning so much through this ailment, I’m learning to priorities my family, to manage my diary better and to value the little things in life. Things I haven’t had a chance to do for ages I’m suddenly able to, crocheting and knitting are some example of that I’m often too busy to do them, but now I have time and surprisingly you can knit and crochet while sitting in front of TV. Parts of me understand too and seem to appreciate the efforts made to give them time.  What I’ve realized too is that feeling unwell is not unmanageable,  yes it felt it at first but once I’d accepted the situation and got used to the fact I will be in continuous disturbance in my stomach, things were more bearable.

Having gastro problem makes feeling unwell harder to manage, but it is manageable once you get your head round it. May be once this is over and my stomach fully healed I will be able to look back on this time and see the positives and not just the uneasiness.  I hope so. For now I’m taking it one day at a time and managing my uneasiness as best I can and I’m going to keep smiling and remember that there are people who are far worse off than me.  I will heal in time and my problem will eventually disappear, till then I plod on, me and my parts together.

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